Your guide to understanding, recognizing, and learning to talk about Relationship Violence.
"Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, sex, or gender identity. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, dating, or sharing a child.”
-- The Office on Violence Against Women
Relationship violence is defined as any harmful or unwanted physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional act inflicted by a casual or intimate partner with the intention, either real or perceived, of causing pain or injury to the other partner. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.
The goal of the behavior is to establish and maintain power and control in the relationship.
Some forms of intimate partner violence (e.g., aspects of sexual violence, psychological aggression, including coercive tactics, and stalking) can be perpetrated electronically through mobile devices and social media sites, as well as in person.
While violence impacts all people in the United States, some individuals and communities experience inequities in risk for violence due to the social and structural conditions in which they live, work, and play.
Relationship violence data
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that on average, nearly 20 people per minute perpetrate physical abuse on their partner in the United States.
During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men who are targets of this abuse.
Source: McFarlane, Campbell, Wilt, Sachs, Ulrich & Xu, 1999
77% of female victims know their stalkers.
62% of female victims were stalked by current or former intimate partners
81% of women who were stalked were also physically assaulted by the same partner.
52% of victims are between 18-29 years of age, making this the riskiest demographic.
More than 13% of women report having been stalked in college.
54% of female murder victims reported stalking to police before being killed by their stalkers.
76% of female murder victims reported being stalked at least once in the 12 months prior to death.
What does relationship abuse look like?
The cycle of abuse
Types of Relationship Violence
Emotional, Mental & Verbal Abuse
Using put-downs, insults, name-calling, humiliation
Threatening to harm or kill family, friends, a new partner, pets, etc.
Threatening to commit suicide if a partner leaves
Making threats like, “If you leave me I’ll … spread rumors about you, tell your parents we had sex,” etc.
Blaming the person who is being abused for the abuse or for all the problems in the relationship
Minimizing or denying abusive behavior, playing mind games
Possessiveness and/or constant accusations of cheating
Constant criticism
Damaging one's relationship with others
Physical Abuse
Hitting, slapping, grabbing, pushing, shaking, hair-pulling, physical restraint
Intimidation (blocking exits/doors, hitting things or throwing objects at or near partner)
Using or threatening to use weapons
Stalking
Denying medical care
Forcing alcohol and/or drug use
Psychological Abuse
Causing fear by intimidation
Threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends
Destruction of pets and property
Forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work
Sexual Abuse
Ignoring the partner’s sexual choice(s) through pressure, manipulation, or coercion (e.g. saying, “You’d do it if you loved me.”)
Rape or forced penetration without consent (including use of intimidation, threats, weapons, etc.), including marital rape
Treating someone in a sexually demeaning manner
Sexual assault or forced sexual contact
Sexual harassment or any unwanted sexual attention
Financial Abuse
Controlling all money, using money to threaten or manipulate
Controlling possessions like a car, phones, clothes, jewelry
Excessive gift-giving with strings attached, for example, “I gave you this, now you owe me.”
Using gifts to make up for abusive behavior
Sabotaging a partner’s work or school career, for example, harassing a partner at work and causing them to get fired or refusing to give a partner a ride to work or school, etc.
Technological Abuse
An act or pattern of behavior that is intended to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, impersonate, exploit, extort, or monitor another person that occurs using any form of technology, including internet-enabled devices, online spaces, and platforms, computers, mobile devices, cameras, and imaging programs, apps, location tracking devices, or communication technologies, or any other emerging technologies.
Stalking
Any repeated behavior, including occasions of visual or physical proximity (e.g., showing up at the door of an ex's class)
Non-consensual communication (e.g., repeated unwanted email blasts)
Verbal, written, or implied threats (e.g, “If you don't pick up my phone calls, you'll be sorry.”) that would cause fear in a reasonable person
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